Sunday’s insight into the meaning of LIFE

SPRAGGETT ON CHESS

Some things are true whether you believe in them or not
Nicholas Cage

Only idiots refuse to change their minds.
Brigitte Bardot

True friends stab you in the front.
Oscar Wilde

”I met him only once in Buenos Aires. And then, it was a lucky thing for him to be executed. Best thing to happen for a poet. A fine death, no? An impressive death.” Jorge Luis Borges speaking of the Spanish poet Garcia Lorca

I think cheesecake helps call attention to you. Then you can foIlow through and prove yourself. Marilyn Monroe

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
George Carlin

All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal; if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.

Mike Tyson

Obscenity is a cleansing process, whereas pornography only adds to the murk.
Henry Miller

It is the public scandal that offends; to sin in secret is no sin at all.
Moliere

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield

Men are creatures with eight hands.
Jane Mansfield

Anything you build on a large scale or with intense passion invites chaos
Cappola

I like roles that people do not recognize me in.
Penelope Cruz

Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.
Sofia Loren

Do women look at other women?

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Ouch! This is an unfortunate accident…

But this is just good clean competition

Can’t you read?

I always wondered about the chicken…

When the world sucks…you always have your real friends.

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WIFE’S LETTER TO HER HUSBAND:

My darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately it’s not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

XXX

PS. Your girlfriend called

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MODERN PSYCHOLOGY: DON’T SPANK YOUR CHILD

We received the following letter:

Most people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of ‘those moments.’

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it’s the vibration from the car, others say it’s the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,

Your Friend

This works with grandchildren, nieces and nephews as well

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Beach bum. Blue ball. Wanna kiss my boo-boo?

Talk about a tough review! (Applicable to CFC Executive)

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THE YUPPIE’S ACCIDENT

A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.

When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.

“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beemer!”

“You yuppies are so materialistic, it’s ridiculous” retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off.”

“Oh, my God!” screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. “My Rolex!”
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